"Peace! Be still!"
On my mind is my job search. Every senior is expected to do it. I'm scared of it. It was my source of anxiety tonight, especially as it dominated my own mother's long "Good night" to me this evening. "Cal, do your résumé! OK, good niiiight!" I fear the process; I fear what I don't know.
I was created in the image and likeness of God. For, indeed, I was made a little less than a god. God's first act of love for me was His creation of me. Creation is a natural outcome of love. True love creates. It creates possibility. It creates the object of love. And the action of love is completed when the object of that first love returns it. As a human being, I was created to be that object of God's love, called to love, and in so doing continue His act of creation by returning His love back to Him. Being only "a little less than a god," my path toward godship rests in being like unto Him Who Is God. How do I do this?
To be like God, I must believe when I don't want to believe, have faith when there is no reason to have faith, deny self when all I want to do is serve my self, and be still, knowing that not I but He is God, He is my God.
God came to me in a storm tonight, the storm of my job search. Through the tossing and turning of my own fear, I could only lie awake and stress about the winds that would most surely destroy me. Interviews and rejections, the anxiety of self-definition and self-marketing - I want to avoid it, but alas I can't because I'm already in the boat, sailing amidst the storm. Yet, all the while, the Lord sleeps. Does He sleep because He's abandoned me? No, He sleeps because He calls me into the peace of His rest. If I had faith, I would sleep. God slept. Even He needed sleep. I try to build my own world, sacrificing sleep. Instead, God rests. And He does it as those around Him wail in fear for their lives. He calls me into faith, into rest, into His sleep. He says, "Rest now. Peace. Be still. Sail through these winds with the faith I give to You. Your work awaits you at the other end of the lake. On the coming shore, you will find work. You will find opportunity to do My work. You will also find the food and shelter I give you through the goodness of the people you will meet. So, rest now. Sail along. Push forward and live in my faith. I am with you on this journey as I have always been. I will never leave you."
I realize that my fear has arisen in my lack of faith. Lack of faith = too much faith in oneself. I cannot do this alone. I rely on Him. He is my mercy.
Life is not pretty. But it is sacred and holy. Life in this world is not an end but a means. It must be protected and defended not because it is an end in and of itself, but because it is a means toward the end to which we have been created. This is where you will find life. After examining all the graces God has given you in your life and after depending/laying/resting on the support He gives to you, you find yourself in a quandary. This quandary requires you to believe when you don't want to believe, trust when you have very little to support your decision to trust, try when all you want to do is escape. DON'T ESCAPE! This quandary is where you will find your life. It's hard, brutal, merciless, and dark. And the only thing you'll have is a promise to hold on to. If you turn to yourself, you will forget the promise, and with nothing else to hold on to, you will escape. You will give in. You will indulge your faithlessness. And you will deprive God the glory that is due to Him alone. You cannot survive on your own. You must remember His promise. In so doing, you will find true life, life that never ends, life that is full of joy.
